please your help would be apperciated

Dear Mr. Tony and Dr Rasheed,
First of all,I would like to be (again) a member of the new weblog ieltscoumminty 10, again. Please, Tony, send me your invitation.
Secondly, I (will) shall post this essay, which I need to apply for advance education. Looking forward to seeing your precious corrections and comments.


250-word essay explaining why the EMHCA (Executive Master
Health Care Administration) degree is important to you? (This is one of the requirements in my master application)


It is indisputable(,)(G) that experience is very important to work. (fourteen years experience I have had from tertiary 1000 beds hospital in Saudi,) In addition to four years of managerial work, I have fourteen years of administrative experience in a 1000 bed tertiary-care hospital in Saudi Arabia.(No one can deny that) (Please, tone down your rhetoric) I am sure that Executive Master Health Care Administration (EMCHA) Degree will empower my career.(G) In this essay, I shall look at the importance of Master Degree to my profession.(Do you want to discuss the importance of the degree or experience to your profession?The title demands to establish the importance of your degree to you and support it with examples.)

I am blessed with (a true) the truth of the value of the Master degree, it is important to me on personal (and) as well as occupational levels.(G) (such people that drive our world to success every day and make it a better place.) (The sentence does not fit in the context. Does it?) Applying for EMHCA degree is a big leap in approaching my potential, as it will (prove)(WC) help me (to)(G) make the most of my career


(However) Owing to my degree, I have been exposed to managerial issues since 2002, and I have acquired a sense of (duties) duty and (responsibilities) responsibilty. My accumulated practice and experience has proved that I can do more efficiently.(Please, check adverb and adjective) This quality target , (irrefutable) ( Rhetoric!) (that) composed of two essential ingredients: the first being pratice and the second, advanced knowledge. As I believe ,the EMHCA degree is my ticket to the second . I am embarking on such a mission, because I, by nature, am not settler. As I see it, knowledge is a life-long (road)(WC) journey (not bounded)(WC) unaffected by age. (number.)


Furthermore, the (journey)(WC) opportunity to earn this degree (is)has been granted to me, it will prove to be a primary milestone throughout my life in seeking to learn. I feel that, in order to lead people towards the right way and to be trustworthy , I should expand my knowledge. So, I must genuinely earn the duty ,the trust and the title they trust me with. I place the trust(Repetition) they have in me as one of my initial priorities in this profession for extraordinary reward of earning their valuable respect and confidence in me.


In (light of the above) conclusion ,EMHCA degree is very important to upgrade my profession and to enable me perform(ing) my mission successfully and efficiently, so that I feel, at the end of the day, that I am accomplishing my role toward my subordinates.

Well done, again.
Keep posting!